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Monday, July 02, 2007
i cried yesterday.because my father yelled at me. he was so obviously venting his irritation at me and I hated it that he could not differentiate. The worst was that he yelled at me only. He directed his anger at me when it was both my mother and I shouting/arguing. I disliked his biasness, was I the only one who was shouting? was it only my fault? Why did you have to yell at me?? Sure, you were sleeping, but should you have been sleeping there in the first place? You could have gone upstairs to the room to sleep. No, you just had to fall asleep there in the living room where we were arguing and then wake up to yell at me. What the hell, thanks a lot. Then I started to tear and cry. I was trying to stop but the hurt was deep. Clever of you to just get off your butt to leave to bathe at this time, leave all the suffering and hurt to me. Why, was it all my fault? I guess I should just leave, since I am the root of all problems/yelling/arguments anyway. Then my mom, she must just make the whole thing get worst. why cldn't you come over and console me? Or were you plain oblivious to my pain? Was it because you felt that I was throwing a tantrum? Was I exactly? Or was it because we were both caught in an argument and you just cldn't come over and tell me "daddy didn't mean it, he's just a grumpy old man". (okay, i know that sounds childish, but you get the gist of the msg) ? A hug would have been nice; I mean, I would have broken down but yeah, I would like to cry in your arms for a change. But no, you just left me to my "devices". How abandoned I felt. I should just become rebellious and stop studying so hard. Maybe because I seldom made you two worry, you paid less attention to my feelings. I am very sensitive, maybe even over-sensitive, but you two never see it. I shout to mask my vulnerability (I guess that would be the logical psychological explanation). You must just cut me so deep. I should stop caring. Cancerians are home-makers and they care the most about their family. If only they knew... |